On Family and Couple Therapies

What Does Family and Couple Therapies Mean?

Family and Couple Therapies; These are therapies in which the close relationship between families and couples is studied, and the change and development of individuals is aimed by addressing the difficulties and conflicts experienced during the relationship process. Individuals attend therapies as a couple and progress through weekly meetings. If there are problems such as domestic violence and anger control problems, the priority is to receive counseling individually for the person with this problem. The motivation of the couple determines the duration of family therapy.

Usually, when couples are asked about their reasons for applying, they talk about visible and concrete reasons: “children do not do homework, my wife does not help in this regard”, “children fight, we cannot listen to our word”, “everything changed after we had children”, “his family is always his priority”. But what lies beneath the iceberg is very different:  The problems experienced by individuals about developing themselves, leaving their root families and being individuals who set healthy boundaries for them continued after marriage/partnered unions. Therefore, when these problems, which continue after the addition of husband and wife roles, are not resolved, they will grow with the addition of parenting roles. And it will focus on concrete causes such as “children” and “root families” as the source of the problem.

In therapy, it is essential that couples come together. In the first interviews, the problem/problems should be heard from both of the applicant couple and the target to be reached in the relationship should be determined. At this stage, if there is something that really needs help about children (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, oppositional defiant behavior, conduct disorder, …), a referral is made to seek help from a child psychiatrist.

The main subject studied in couple therapy is couple relationship, relationship problems. On the way to resolving relationship problems, issues such as good communication skills, decision-making processes, and resolving differences are addressed. During the interviews, couples related to these issues are given psychoeducation and homework is given to monitor the change and development of the couple on a weekly basis.

What are the Problems of Couples in Turkey?

Not knowing how to spend their time together. For example, they decide to do an activity, like going to the movies, walking on the beach, etc. But they do not plan what to do before the time they will spend together, how to solve a problem at that time, and what to do after. For example, they go to the movies, but one of the partners is constantly checking their social media account; or families call and invite them to dinner, when there is no such plan, they leave their activities and go there. As such, an activity that they would enjoy doing together is wasted. 

One of the factors that keeps the marriage dynamic is that the couple is constantly finding new goals: whether it is attending a dance class, deciding on a household item to buy together, learning a new language, or having a shared dream… It doesn't have to be a financial goal.

Good Communication Is Possible With A Good Sex Life

In couple therapy, we primarily deal with relationship problems, but if sexual dysfunctions are also on the agenda as a relationship issue, we need to address a relationship problem that the couple brings as a problem before sexuality comes to the fore.

It is possible to strengthen communication

5 practical suggestions for your relationship:

1. Don't ignore a behavior your partner did for you, say thank you
2. Express your admiration, express your feelings while doing so.
3. Appreciate
4. Make eye contact when communicating with your partner, try to be in the same environment for communication instead of texting
5. Show your love by touching, hugging, holding his hand.

The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Four behaviors that are hostile to relationships, described by family and marriage therapist John Gottman, are as follows:

• Humiliation
• Criticism
• Being constantly on the defensive
• Building a wall in relationship

You can appreciate the positive behavior of your partner instead of making fun of the other side. Instead of criticism, you can express your needs using "I language". Constantly being on the defensive, saying “it's your fault” and “because of you” can reduce your awareness of your mistakes; instead, it will be more functional to apologize, to look at the problem from both sides, and to take responsibility for your mistakes as an adult. The “offended” that is meant by the behavior of building a wall means to be closed to communication. There may also be resentment in non-problematic couple relationships. However, it is important to use different reconciliation methods so that the resentment-reconciliation cycle does not last long.